Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
