Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This baby is an asshole
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
