You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
