omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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