I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
