Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
