I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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