Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We had sex on a dog bed..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
