well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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