My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
