My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
