There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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