I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
