idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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