Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
