I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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