Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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