the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
