its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
