As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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