I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
