I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
