Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
