Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
