Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
