While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
