Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
