Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
