My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
