He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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