Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
