I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
