So drunk its hurt
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
