Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
