The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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