I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
