someone threw a dead crab at me
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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