I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
