Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
