I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you didnt know i had herpes?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Never joke about your clitoris.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
