I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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