i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
