Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
