OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
