i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
pop tarts are not kleenex
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
