Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
