Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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