Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
