Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Your dad touched me again.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
