I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
