ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
