Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
