i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
